By His Grace

Black Cloud Forming

Posted on: January 23, 2012

I’ve been slowly feeling this black cloud forming over me.  My thoughts are not what they should be and I feel the enemy attacking me.  I feel like I’m drifting from God and it’s really eating away at me.  For some reason I don’t feel the closeness I was experiencing recently with my Savior.  I know it’s me and I need to do some soul searching and find out where the root cause is coming from.  I’ve been having really horrible violent dreams and there is an inner turmoil going on inside me.  I don’t like it.  The enemy is using my vulnerability against me right now and he knows when I am weak.  Old feelings are surfacing and I’m uncomfortable.  I’m disappointed in myself.  I’m disappointed that my prayer life is lacking.  I’m disappointed that I’m not reading my Bible on a regular basis.  I’m disappointed that I just can’t seem to stop swearing no matter how much I pray about it.  I’m disappointed that I’m not eating healthy food like I use to and have gained 3 pounds.  I’m disappointed that I didn’t go to church the other day just because I didn’t feel like it.

I realize this post isn’t the usual for me, but I need to use my blog today as an outlet and share with you what I’m going through.  I look at all of you who read my blog as a source of strength and encouragement and I have made some wonderful friends in the process.  It probably sounds like I’m whining, and I don’t like being a whiner. 

I think I have to go back to the basics, and just start sitting down and doing my Bible study like I use to.  I always enjoyed that.  I would spread out different translations of the Bible on my table and read about a topic or specific scripture and journal about it.  I hear in my head “practice what you preach, Michele!”.  That’s my name, by the way. Smile  Thanks for reading.

46 Responses to "Black Cloud Forming"

Hi Michelle,

Just wanted to give you a couple of scriptures to encourage you to fight the good fight of faith and not give up.

Proverbs 24:16 – For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again, But the wicked stumble in time of calamity.

Psalm 34:19 – A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all;

The key to keep going after your fall is the ability to get up just one more time than you fall down!



Amen Debra. I’m pulling strength from your words. Greatly appreciate you my sister. 🙂


You will overcome this situation! Yes, this too will pass.

God bless.


Thank you Debray, many blessing to you today !! 🙂

Hello My sister.

I though I found your website by accident, but the Holy Spirit just revealed to me that it was not an accident. it was Divine Providence.

First, do not beat yourself up! All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I read where you said that you have already confessed your sins to God. Amen to that! Confession of our sin and our acknowledgement that only God through Jesus Christ can we be saved is the starting point. It all starts with God. Believing that He is able to do esceedingly abundantly above all we could ask or think according to the power that worketh in us.

If you have asked God to forgive you, you are forgiven. the hardest thing to do is to forgive yourself. That is what you have to do. Understand that if you repented with a sincere heart, God has already forgiven you.

Having acknowledge and confession of your sin results in forgiveness and release from guilt, according to God’s Word. The guilt is from the enemy-satan, the accuser of the brethern. God forgave you the moment you asked Him to. You must move forward with Him in your forgiveness!

Romans 8:1 declares that there is now therefore no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus who walk after the Spirit and not the flesh.

Now that you have acknowledge, confessed and repent, there needs to be a turning away from that which caused you to sin. You must get a hate for that thing and to do that you must draw closer to God through prayer and the study of His Word. Get acquainted with other Christ believes that can help strengthen you during this season of weakness. Yes, this too shall pass, but until it does, you need to be in the company of some strong Christians to help you. True repentance is a turning away from that which caused you to sin. Will it be easy? No, but Philippians 4:13 declares that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you my sister.

God has not left you! He is just a prayer away. He is the Sovereign God. He sees and knows all things. Scripture declares that He even knows the strands of hair on your head. He knows you my sister, but most of all, He “LOVES YOU! He sent His son Jesus to die for your sins. Receive your forgiveness on today!

1 John 1:9 declares – If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Micah 7:18-19- Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy.

19He will turn again, he will have compassion upon us; he will subdue our iniquities; and thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.


Be blessed my sister. Know that the “SON” is gonna shine in and through you if you hold out!


Wow thank you so much for your comment. I’m slowly coming out of this darkness. I have detoxed myself alone (not fun) and I have turned away from the sin and thrown out everything in my house that resembles it in anyway. I’ve told certain people to stop calling me because I quit and they have not called since. I actually went back on an antidepressant to help me get through the depression part of this. I’ve been so depressed and anxious I won’t leave the house unless absolutely necessary. I’ve been like this before and I know it will pass eventually so long as I stay totally clean and sober it will pass. I have been praying more and talking to God daily again so at least I’m moving forward. Anyway, thanks again for your encouragement. It helps more than you know. 🙂

Hi Michele,

Praise the Lord that you are slowly working your way out of your addiction! And daily prayer and Bible reading will be one of your keys to overcoming.

Are you familiar with Joni Erickson Tada? You can google her if you’re not. But shortly after her accident she was in a deep depression and one of her closest friends challenged her to follow 1 Thess 5:18, “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”, for one month. It transformed her life.

Also, have you read Daily aspects latest post? is a link to part one which is okay,but part 2 has some dynamite insight into the mind of the addict. It’s long, but worth it.

God bless you in all that you do.

Thank you so much! The links are awesome John. Many blessings to you today! 🙂

I am so glad you are doing better. I to take antidepressants but am slowly trying to get off them. The Lord Loves you and suffered so you can be healed. I am believing for that for you. Total recovery and healing. You are a strong force for Good and righteousness. Why else would the devil tempt you. He didn’t like the freedom you were preaching. Well I love it and do does the Father. Jesus is ever making inter session for you in heaven. You are victorious. Please stay in touch. Love in Christ

Thanks Perry. Your forthcoming and words perk my ears every time you write me. 🙂

what an awesome post and thank you so much for reaching out to me. I like that you say it like it is. I respond to that. Many blessings to you my sister in Christ



One other thing I want to say to you is that you need to connect with some strong Christians that will help you come out of this. You need to get connected to a bible base Church where the Gospel of Jesus Christ is being taught. You must spend time daily in bible study and prayer. You can not fight this alone, seek help! Get out of the house and enjoy the day. Take a look at the days that God is giving you each day. Thank Him for it.

Begin to give God the fruit of your lips through praise and thanksgiving. Thank Him that you are already healed from your disease. Call those thing which be not as though they were. Roman 4:17–What does it mean to call thing that be not as though they were?
Speak God’s Word over your life. Do not speak your situation, but speak God’ Word. God’s Word has the power to transform your life, it has the power to make you into that new creation in Christ Jesus that the Apostle Paul speaks about of those who have accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior in their lives.

Proverbs 18:21 declares that Life and death is in the power of your tongue. Speak life, regardless of what it looks like, regardless of what others may say or believe, speak God’s Word over your life. God has given you the power and authoirty to use His name. SPEAK IT! Once you have begun to speak it, believe it! Trust God and know that He is a rewarder of them that dilligently seek after Him.

Whatever you speak believe what you say. Make the scripture work for you. Matthew 9:29 declares-be it unto you according to your faith. You have what you BELIEVE you could have. This Christian walk is by faith, not by sight.

Philippians 4:13 declares that you can do all things though Christ who strengtheneth you. SPEAK IT!

Romans 8:1 declares that there is therfore no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus; them that walk after the spirit and not after the flesh.

Get your mind made up that you will study God’s Word, you will pray and cry out to Him for help. Also, get connected to a bible base church where they can help you grow spiritually.

Matthew 5:6 Jesus declares that they that hunger and thirst for righteousness sake shall be filled.

You must get a hunger and thirst for God and His Word. The more of God you allow to come in, the more the things that are not of God are thrown out!

Remember, the mind is the battleground that the enemy uses to try to defeat us, but God’s Word is our weapon against every thought that the enemy tries to being against us that is contrary to God’s Word and what it says about us and our future.




This is excatly what I need to read to start my day Debra. 🙂 Thank you! I wound up having a full blown anxiety attack yesterday that really could have done some damage but I did cry out to God for help and surrendered all of it, all of me that is impure, for Him to just take it away and do with me what He wills. I will SPEAK IT today. Hearing God’s Word out loud is a powerful tool. Thank you for reminding me of this. Many blessings to you my sister.

Michele you are beloved here on wordpress. Your blog is a source of comfort and a way of guidance to so many. You have had such great success because you allow God to use you in the plan and purpose that he predestined for you. It is funny because this all lines up with my newest series of posts, Battle of the Mind. Your flesh is fighting your spirit, and you have got to do everything in your power to fight that flesh! You have all of Heaven (AND YOUR WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS ;)) backing you up! Sometimes we get uncomfortable when we are at the beginning of our next phase of relationship with God…Mostly because we get comfortable and like to be comfortable… Could this be the source? Anyway fight your flesh! God will give you the strength!

P.S. I was not at all using the above statement as a form of advertising for my own site :p It is just awesome how God works everything out! 😀

I read your post and I really liked it. Thank you and God bless!

Michele, I love your honesty. In one of the Celebrate Recovery books I recall the line that honesty is the beginning of healing. I truly believe God loves it when we admit we are not feeling it. It is there He will reveal Himself as we seek. I have been pulled away from blogging the past two months because of various things and I have missed the sharing of hearts found here.

Dear LORD, please draw Michele near and breathe Your Spirit into her soul. In her stillness before You I pray you lift her spirit with blessings and hope. I pray Your light breaks through the clouds with rays of a warm love that will brighten Michele’s heart. Guide her and embrace her with your peace and joy. Please honor her honesty and confession and use fellow believers and circumstances to encourage and lift her now. Please shine Your light and watch over her soul and give her assurance of Your love and Your promises. Amen

What a beautiful prayer and thank you so much. I’m glad you brought up Celebrate Recovery. I’m going to look into if there are meetings here in my town. Many blessings to you! 🙂

Please do, I love Celebrate Recovery and have found a safe place to share and be a part of many lives dealing with hurts, habits and hangups; of which we all have! I pray there is one close that you feel is right for you. The first step is the toughest and you can try several. Just keep going until the miracle happens! You have been on my mind all day and I felt God’s word this morning promising of His refreshing powers made me pray that you will soon be refreshed and revived! Praying for the Spirit to blow the clouds away!

Thanks again, and God bless!

[…] that doesn't stop the enemy from trying to make me feel unworthy. … Read the original: Black Cloud Forming | Allowing Christ To Change My Life ← The Prayer of the Lamb: A Form of Christian Meditation: Sermon for 3 […]

Thank you for the link my friend. Many blessings to you! 🙂

My friend,

I know exactly what you are going through, I felt that I needed to pray for you a few days ago, so I did, I too have been going through some stuff but ill tell you all that on email, just know that you are a child of God, and Satan only has the power over you if you allow it. I will pray for you my friend, you know where to contact me if you need to talk

Thanks Bernadette. I’ve been thinking about you too as we both have been a little quiet with our talks. Thank you always for the prayers and I’m not going to allow Satan to have power over me today. Many blessings to you my friend!

My friend posted this on Facebook and I wanted to share with you. “Today my Friend and I were talking about my testimony. He reminded me of the places that He was with me in and that there’s no place too dark for Him to go and search for treasure, to protect a sheep that has wandered from the fold, and to draw hearts to Jesus. The other day He told me that God is a patient farmer. Today He said that God is a tenacious miner. He goes into dark places and and breaks loose large chunks of rock because trapped in the rock is an uncut diamond. They are like precious souls that are hidden in darkness just waiting to be found.”

That’s beautiful, thank you! Many blessings to you! 🙂

Michele, I always wondered what your name was. I want to tell you that Satan is not original he has been attacking me in the same way. I have even been writing my blog less often. Having been oppressed with mental illness, depression, and PTSD I believe God has healed me but that doesn’t stop the enemy from trying to make me feel unworthy. I fight fear of the future with the Word of God, and believe that my future in Christ is bright. Using condemnation is the devils only real tool. Do you really think there is anything we can do to earn our righteousness in Christ. I am glad for your honesty. I stop cursing then I get around other truck drivers and it just comes out. I know how you feel, but want you to not be hard on yourself. You are never going back to where you were. We only fail if we quit. God bless you if you need to talk let me know. I am praying for you.

Me too about not writing in my blog. That’s another thing that’s been bothering me. And what you said about God healing you but the devil still attacks makes me feel a little better, because I’ve been questioning if I am really healed from my addictions, guilt and shame because of the stinking thinking that’s been coming back. I do fight it and I’ve been successful with not giving into temptation but I just feel this black cloud over me. I do get too hard on myself, so I appreciate you saying so. Thanks for the prayers and support. God bless you my friend!


I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt the exact same thing! I often feel condemnation when I slip into this, which makes the whole situation even worse. When I feel this way, I try to remember verses like Romans 8:1 which says, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” and verses where God promises to draw near to me when I draw near to him . When all else fails, remember, the black clouds will pass.

– Aimee

Thank you Aimee and this is exactly what I’m feeling…condemnation. Perhaps I should read up on this. Thanks for the start with Romans 8:1 and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in how I feel right now. 🙂

Thanks for being so transparent. The enemy wants so badly to keep us from the truth and certainly doesn’t want us to pray. It is so hard sometimes though, especially when we don’t FEEL God’s presence. Do you think that maybe these are the times when our faith can grow expedentially? It is when we are the weakest that He is strongest. Michele, you are in my prayers.

I appreciate your prayers Marilou. I do believe that our faith can grow in times like this. Thank you for your support and encouragement. I really needed it. 🙂

The devil is tricky. He finds a way to make you stumble when you are getting closer to God. Don’t believe the smoke and mirrors that he is playing on you. He will slither in any way he can. Violent dreams will break you down mentally. Not going to church, breaking you down physically. Not reading, breaking you down spiritually. But he can not steal your faith. Stay strong sister. Do not be discouraged by thinking that these minor things are distancing you from God, because when there is a battle He is closer than ever. God doesn’t NEED you to go to church for you to praise and worship Him. We all come down one day from that beautiful spiritual rush. We are all flawed like everything else in this world. But what is not flawed is Him and wherever He dwells He will succeed. You are doing wonderful things with your blog and I will keep you in my prayers. =D

Thank you for putting things in perspective. It hit home and I really appreciate your encouragement and prayers. God bless you my sister!

Dearest Michele,

You are OK…this is normal….we can’t always be on the mountian top. Psalms 43:5 says…Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again–my Savior and my God! This happened to David. Michele…I think you need this blog today….

Father please encourage my blog friend today…in Jesus Name Amen.

((hugs hugs hugs))

That post you wrote is exactly what I needed. Thank you!!! God bless you my friend and thanks for the encouragement!

A while back, I was on a month -long mountaintop experience with the Lord. I was always prayer ready, always singing songs of worship, and always feeling “high on God”. During that period I asked the Lord to reveal something about myself that I should correct.

The next day, that mountaintop experience faded and I knew that this was part of what I had asked for. After the mountaintop, I would have described my situation very similarly to how you describe yours, but not with the violent dreams, etc. But what you are experiencing sounds like something more than what I went through.

Yes, the devil will definitely try to exploit our weaknesses every chance he gets. I thank God that, according to 1 Cor 10:13, He will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I am able.

I also thank and praise Him always that ALL of my sins are already forgiven, and that even if I sin now, God is not less happy with me, or disappointed, or ashamed of me. His love for us is as constant as His closeness to us, though at times we may have a hard time feeling either.

Know that I, and I am sure, many of your friends, will lift you in prayer for as long as this trial lasts, and like Jesus, I will not feel any differently, no matter what happens.

God bless you and keep you safe in His everlasting arms.

By the way, the following is a video that I find very comforting in difficult times. I hope that you will be blessed as I have been.

John, your words and this video have brought tears running down my face right now, but that’s a good thing! Thank you so my friend for your encouragement. 🙂

Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you
Fear Not!
God Bless

I will do that and thank you for reminding me of this. God bless you and thank you for your encouragement!

Tell the devil to Let Go of you, his trying to destroy you. Keep praying and as you said you have to go back to the basic, if you feel the need thats what you got to do , then go for it. I forgot to type that the first time. God Bless You My Friend! 🙂

Thank you so much for your encouragement. You’re totaly right. God bless you my friend! 🙂

You in my prayers! Btw you not whining! God Bless You

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A little about name is Michele and I am a born-again Christian. I was saved as a teenager and graduated from a Christian high school. I am a mother of one son who is the world to me. Despite my upbringing, later in life I fell into a life of self destruction which led me down many dark paths. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic and I have a great passion for Christ and His amazing power to heal even the worst cases. I am living proof of the miracle of God's power to change your life and way of thinking. Nothing is impossible with God.


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