By His Grace

Going Forward With Fear

Posted on: March 1, 2012


“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT)

I hate being afraid.  It makes me feel vulnerable and unstable. What am I afraid of?  After all, it’s not like I’m going to die by stepping out the door into the real world and interacting with people, am I?  The Bible tells us that if our God if for us, than what can be against us?  It’s all in my head.  The body’s reaction to what we think and how we feel go hand in hand.  I still don’t understand why my heart jumps a beat whenever I open my eyes in the morning.  I don’t even have a thought in my head yet and fear has set in.

I remember when I was like this in years past, before I rededicated my life to the Lord.  I went to secular recovery programs and did my best to face the unknown.  Many people in these rooms were full of fear and scared to death to venture into a life without a chemical courage to keep them strong.  I was one of them.  I was never able to stop shaking though.  People made fun of me, even though I guess they were trying to be kind in their own way (at least I took it as poking fun).  They’d say, “look at her! you’re shaking like a leaf Michele.  Are you scared of me?”  And then they’d laugh.  Actually, I was afraid.  I was clean and sober and very raw.  I mimicked a Chihuahua whose whole little body would shake for no reason, even my head and face would tremble.  It was VERY difficult to go through that without using something to calm me down.  Eventually, I was prescribed a benzo and it was a miracle drug!  At first I didn’t abuse it.  I was living in a halfway house and the house “mom” would only give me my daily dose one day at a time.  It was prescribed from a licensed psychiatrist from a well known rehab facility who helps recovering addicts.  Yah, figure that one out, right?  I managed well on them and I didn’t shake.  Then I started saving them, and taking two at a time, then three at a time—–you get the picture.  Turns out, other girls in the house found out about them and stole a whole bunch of my pills.  I was in a panic!  Now what do I do? 

Those pills sent me back out on the streets over and over again going back to the heavy stuff that was killing me.  I didn’t know how to cope with it.  I didn’t KNOW I could cope without it if I just called out to Jesus for help.  I was a Christian but I rebelled and backslid right out of high school.  I was stubborn as a bull and just didn’t want to go back to the whole church thing.  I was soooo wrong.

I know now that Jesus and God’s grace and healing is the ONLY way to overcome my fear and shaking.  I am able to do this without narcotic drugs prescribed legally or not.  It’s taken me many years to learn this.  But it DOES happen and it DID happen for me.  My recent relapse put me right back where I was 10 years ago, shaking like a leaf and afraid to leave the house.  But I had a good taste of what the Lord can do in my life.  I stayed clean for 2 years and I experienced what TRUE JOY really was!!  I found a sense of peace I never felt before.  I remember waking up with a smile on my face, not a skipped heartbeat and a sense of fear.  I use to look forward to what the Lord had for me that day and was ready to overcome and plow through whatever was put in front of me because I had the Almighty God on my side. 

So today, I am facing my fears and moving forward no matter what the world wants to throw at me.  I have a lot on my plate right now, but I will not falter today.  Today I remain strong in spite of myself.  I still have the shakes but it will subside, it will pass!  I just have to hang on and not put ANY chemicals in my system.  If I have even one drink to calm my nerves, I know it will erase all my hard work these past two weeks.  Just gotta hold on to the Truth that is written in His Word and trust in God to keep me safe and to help me along.  I will keep it simple, not overwhelm myself and TRUST, TRUST, TRUST!!

18 Responses to "Going Forward With Fear"

Great testimony of our Lord’s grace, Michelle. It’s well you’ve learned we all have ‘that sin that so easily besets us’ and all of us have found that grace is our only hope and refuge. Praise the Lord, His grace is sufficient for us… God bless good friend as Jesus strengthens and continues to build you up as a fruit-bearer, rather than a law-keeper. Thanks for being transparent… the world needs more of us reflect who we really are… so they may see who HE is! What a Savior!

Thank you and many blessings to you

Hey Michele!

I really appreciate and admire your transparency. Being so open and honest with what we struggle with is a critical part of trusting God moment by moment. And I’m so encouraged by the people who have already commented because we need traveling companions on this journey of following after Jesus to embrace the real life He came to make available. I will be praying for you every time God brings you to mind! God bless!

Thank you for your prayers. That’s very kind of you. I too am encouraged by all the responses I get. There is an awesome group of true Christians out there and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a quite a few on this blog. They have been a big help to me. Funny, I started my blog as a type of outlet for me but it has actually been much, much more than that. Thanks again, and have a super blessed day Rick!

My friend I know you can do it! Stay strong and hold on to his WORDS! GOD BLESS 🙂

Thank you my sister. God bless you too!

Its late and I am tired but I would like to write to you later and tell you alittle about my life.I think and hope it will help.I will write to you soon.We walk by faith and not by sight.Hope you have a blessed and safe night,oldbuck

I look forward to hearing back from you. Thank and God bless!

I will try to make this short and maybe not to boring.I accepted Jesus as my lord and savior on april 18,1971.I was 13 at that time and thought I was supposed to go out and save the rest of the world.With little knowledge of how to do that,I soon gave up the fight.I walked away from God and life from then on was one dead end after another.I begin to drink and smoke pot at the age of 16 and that lead to dealing.I soon had money,friends,women and all the material things I could want.Like you I was always afraid,not to the point of shakeing but to the point that I needed something to be socialable.My friends use to tell me if it wasn’t for alcohol that I would have no personality.Well soon the partying overcame the dealing and then I starting bouncing along the bottom.The friends left as soon as the money,and the women moved on to the next dealer.I don’t know how I lived through it but for 35 years I would continue this life style.I would quiet sometimes but it never would last for long.Finally I was sick of being sick and I decided to rededicate my life to the Lord.I new I couldn’t do it without him.I didn’t realize it at the time but I wasn’t quiet ready yet,or maybe God had other things in mind for me.I would do great for awhile and then I would feel good about my progress,and then I would mess up.I did this for 2 years and then one day I decided to try a different type of approach.I would always get right back on the horse(so to speak)but that was not the life I wanted.I realized that if I was going to quit I had to have a serious prayer with God and let him know that he promised to help me.When I got off my knees that day I new then that he had always been willing but he had to show me that I wasn’t doing my part.I have been off drugs and alcohol now for 3 years and it has been the best 3 years of my life.If you would like I will tell you some of the things that helped me quit and stay away from it.God does his part but we have to do ours also.I hope this helps and I will always be here if you need me.I hope you have a blessed day and remember we all fail.He will always forgive us and we must forgive our self.

Wow what an awesome testimony. I totally relate. If you like, you can email me at Congratulations on your 3 years, I had to look over the left of my screen at one point to see if I was reading something I wrote or was I reading a comment from a reader! I’m serious! Alot of what you said sounds like me. LOL Many blessings to you and thank you for your comment and testimony 🙂

Father God, please embrace Michele and calm her trembling. Give your daughter Your calming peace. Thank You for going before her and going with her wherever she goes. Bless her with your boldness and strength to go confidently to where You are leading. Show your comfort and and love in supernatural and natural ways. Amen

Proud of you! We will all tremble before our God

Thanks Tom. You’re great! Many blessings to you. 🙂

Oh I’m so glad to see you write again. You’ve been on my mind. Although my stronghold was in an unholy relationship, it was still so difficult to cope with being away from it. Yes, somedays it was getting through the next five minutes, or the next hour, and then the next, but I had to push aside those deceitful feelings and cling to God and He was my strength and the days-weeks-months-and now 3 yrs later, it continues to get better. You will continue to be in my prayers, sister.

So glad to see you too Marilou! I’ve had a stronghold relationship as well, so I can relate. I think heartbreak is probably the WORST pain us humans experience. Heartbreak and grief for a loved one. It’s the seperation that gets so horrible. And when I wasn’t doing the right things I felt seperate from God and it is really a scary, dark place to be. Just awful. It makes me think of what hell will be like to those unfortunate souls who end up there. I have lived that seperation and dark life, I can’t imagine it being worse but what I experienced doesn’t compare to what happens to the lost. Didn’t mean to get so gloomy!!! haha Many blessings to you my sister! 🙂

Hi Michele,

As I read your account of hard-won lessons that you have learned or are learning, it brought tears to my eyes as I recalled all of my successes and failures as I learned those same lessons.

One in particular comes to mind: Once an addict, always an addict. Though I have not used in years I know that I am one drink, or one cigarette, or one snort, or one whatever, from a full blown relapse.

That was probably the hardest and most important one to learn, and I am so glad to read that you have that one under your belt. Now and then I still have thoughts that just a little indulgence would be okay, and for some people it probably would be, but not for addicts like you and me.

I have come to understand that all such thoughts are from the devil and must always turn from them as soon as I realize that they have entered my head.

For each step that you take forward, I praise he Lord for you progress. And for each mis-step, I praise the Lord that He is ever present to keep you from falling.

I know this time must be very difficult for you. You probably, like me, wish you could just rush through it. But if you are patient and trust in the Lord, He will bear you up through your discomfort and use this time to build character and strength in you against the next assault the devil makes.

God bless!

Thank you John and I want to tell God BUILD AWAY! haha I hope I come out of this stronger and wiser. All my hope lies in Him. He is my God of Hope. Many blessings to you John!!

“Today” is the key word.

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A little about name is Michele and I am a born-again Christian. I was saved as a teenager and graduated from a Christian high school. I am a mother of one son who is the world to me. Despite my upbringing, later in life I fell into a life of self destruction which led me down many dark paths. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic and I have a great passion for Christ and His amazing power to heal even the worst cases. I am living proof of the miracle of God's power to change your life and way of thinking. Nothing is impossible with God.


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