By His Grace

The Freedom Of Forgiving Myself

Posted on: November 15, 2011

For many years I lived with self-hatred.  For many years I could not forgive myself for my past, my actions, my behaviors, my choices, but most of all, how many people I have hurt through the years, especially my mother.  The pain I put my family through, the many tears shed on my behalf, and the feelings of helplessness my loved ones must have gone through seeing me destroy my life.  It still hurts to think about it.  I couldn’t understand why I kept doing the things I was doing, even though I really wanted to change my life.  I grew deeper and deeper into confusion, depression, and self-hatred.    Why was I like this?  How did I get to be such a horrible person?  The “why” questions would consume me.  I gave up on myself.  I gave into the devil’s lies. 

The devil had me believing for years that the way to show remorse to my family was to remain guilty and ashamed. If I showed happiness of any kind it shows my family that I don’t care.  I didn’t have a right to happiness and peace. I believed the lie that feeling guilty showed my family that I loved them and felt bad about everything I did to them.

heaven-jesus-father-holy-spirit

One night when I was four months sober, I finally forgave myself for all I’ve done.  I truly, honestly and wholeheartedly forgave myself.  I was praying and crying out to God that night.   I was in distress from a situation I was going through.  The Lord spoke to me,

who are you to not forgive yourself when I, the Almighty God, have forgiven you long ago!  Don’t you trust Me?  I know your heart.  I know all you are.  I know who you are.  You will not grow in Christ if you keep hanging on to your past.  I love you.  Your family loves you.  They have forgiven you too so why aren’t you forgiving yourself?  It’s okay.  You can let go now.  I know your heart and you are my beautiful child and I love you.  You are not that person anymore.  You never were.  You just lost your way for a little while.  Forgive yourself.  Obey Me and trust Me.  You can let go now.

I can tell you, that night gave me a sense of freedom I have never felt before.  I had an overwhelming feeling of peace.  I stopped crying.  It felt like the Holy Spirit filled my entire being.  It felt like a ton of bricks fell off my shoulders.  I was calm.  I could breathe.  I was still….I had a breakthrough.  I was free.

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5 Responses to "The Freedom Of Forgiving Myself"

What an amazing testimony! Thank you for sharing this.

Thank you and thanks for stopping by! God Bless!

This was awesome! I was an addict too, and I remember feeling that same sense that if I actually acted happy, then I wasn’t showing that I was sorry…Wow! Powerful…
I wrote this piece which kind of goes in the same vein as this one:
http://birdmartin.wordpress.com/page/2/?s=Am+I+Happening+to+Other+People

Maybe it’ll mean something to you too…Thanks for sharing!

Bird

Thank you for the link to your post. You have an amazing testimony yourself! God bless and I appreciate the kind words.

oh. the gift of no condemnation. that empowers us to live
the grace of God that frees us from sin, give us life

The power of knowing you have been forgiven, long before you messed up empowers you to please Jesus more

It is to the knowledge of truth that sets us free.

all the guilt and shame was upon Jesus. no words can express my gratitude to my Jesus.

great and inspiring post..

grace and peace

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A little about me........my name is Michele and I am a born-again Christian. I was saved as a teenager and graduated from a Christian high school. I am a mother of one son who is the world to me. Despite my upbringing, later in life I fell into a life of self destruction which led me down many dark paths. I am a recovering addict and alcoholic and I have a great passion for Christ and His amazing power to heal even the worst cases. I am living proof of the miracle of God's power to change your life and way of thinking. Nothing is impossible with God.

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